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Malaise

by Lilou & John

/
1.
I’ve had my heart broken twice I’ve had my soul split in two Down by the black river bank Down where the full moon was new I met my love in the grass I met my love in the rain The leaves of willows hanged low The leaves that knew my name He walked his way cross the field He walked his way cross the moon The grass was black and free The grass was dying soon And his heart was still pounding and warm When I tore it from his flesh His eyes were still calling out please have forgiveness I met my love in the grass I met my love in the rain And every whisper was true And every word was my name He left my hand lying cold He left my hand and I knew There was a field and a moon But not a whisper was true And his heart was still pounding and warm When I tore it from his flesh His eyes were still calling out please have forgiveness Who could have the moon and grass that grew high in the field Who could know the moon walked cross the field I’ve had my heart broken twice I’ve had my soul split in two Down by the black river bank Down where the full moon was new
2.
Lover I wished it was all just a dream A nightmare that left me the second I felt you Next to me holding me tight Knowing that nothing could harm me Lover I wished it was all just a dream That your hand caressed me and that I could feel you Next to me holding me tight Knowing that nothing could scare me Lover I wished it was all just a dream But when your hand left me and I could not feel you Next to me holding me tight 
I knew that nothing could save me Lover I wished it was all just a dream But no one caressed me and all I could feel through
 The reaper holding me tight
 Was that his hands were the only 
 Hands I would ever feel Hands I would ever feel
3.
My hands bleed from the blood on the floor Cut with glass shaped like diamonds 
 Splinters of glass sparkle like eyes
 Staring back from oblivion The ceiling hangs from white walls 
Like a river running over the edge
 A waterfall washed away
 From a glacier in my skin Lovely sting 
And glowing shade
 Swimming deep
 Down to the serpent I move my head like a beast
 With eyes ripped open by my claws
 Scars cling onto the wound like eggs 
From currents washing me to sea My ivory eyes look into a world
 Colored on canvas by hand
 Suns imploding on pastures of green
 Hovering over my abyss Lovely sting 
 And glowing shade
 Swimming deep
 Down to the serpent The loudspeakers scream I'm not alone
 Just like the fading northern lights 
Sucked out in orbit and vanished like air 
In the heat of a black hole The vivid glass of sparkling wine That weighs like a star in my hand Drowning myself in the pills of the gods I ascend into silence Lovely sting 
 And glowing shade
 Swimming deep 
Down to the serpent Lovely sting 
 And glowing shade
 Swimming deep
 Down to the serpent
4.
You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel
 You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel You will never find love Love is nothing that you can keep in a box
 It can fly away and disappear into nothing  For you’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel
 You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel
 You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel You will never find love 
Love is nothing you can hide in your heart 
It can turn to dust and disappear into nothing  For you’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel
 You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel 
You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel Yeah you’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel
 You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel
 You’re hanging like a rag doll over a spike of steel You will never find love
 Love is nothing you can find in a shop 
It will crush your heart and disappear into nothing 
5.
All alone with you under an umbrella In a city we’ve never been to And we hear the metro train carved in rock Underneath the street light All alone with you here at the bus station Where the clouds are white and silver Six o'clock the early morning cold light rain After stormy weather And you saw in my eyes In my heart Saw the open window And I saw in your eyes In your heart Saw our tomorrow All alone with you under an umbrella Came up from the metro And I ask you baby I could see them sell Vegan on the corner? And you light a cigarette with one last smile Though we gave up smoking It is just a light for all the ones we left Before we crossed the border And you saw in my eyes In my heart Saw the open window And I saw in your eyes In your heart Saw our tomorrow All alone with you under an umbrella Slow the rain is falling And I raise my camera up to the sky Across the clouded river Six and twenty is the bus to cross the bridge Away from Purge and Purdah And you say oh baby you are all I have You are my redeemer And you saw in my eyes In my heart Saw the open window And I saw in your eyes In your heart Saw our tomorrow
6.
Gothenburg 03:06
Falling in love with you With you Falling in love with you With you You are my way home Falling in love with you With you Falling in love with you With you You are my way home Falling in love with you With you Falling in love with you With you Falling in love with you With you Falling in love with you With you You are my way home Falling in love with you With you Falling in love with you With you You are my way home
7.
Malaise 02:03
I am a thing 
I am a thing in a void 
I am a mass psychotic humanoid I am a read 
I am a read on a site 
I am pixel in fluorescent light And I'm breaking free I am a vote 
I am a vote in a fraud 
I am servant of a silicon god I am a buy 
I am a buy in a shop 
I am a who in Global Village doing what? And I'm breaking free I am a glitch I am a glitch on a screen I am a question in a waking dream I am a slave I am a slave on the run In the scope of every silicon gun And I'm breaking free And I'm breaking free And I'm breaking free
8.
Be my guest in the partyhat Be my cold tequila Be my chit chat be my mingling Firewater zilla

 Be my dress and be my make up Be the black tuxedo Be my shot and be my laughing High percent libido Animals that come to dance
 See the disco light in trance
 The night is long for a child of the moon Moth girl rising from her cocoon Be my fancy smalltalk dream 
Be my dance floor rhythm 
Be my eyelids flickering 
Lost to all who see them 

Be my night club be the barman 
Be my jewelry shining
 Be the slow walk of shame 
Be the silver lining Animals that come to dance 
See the disco light in trance 
The night is young for a child of the moon
 Moth girl rising from her cocoon Be my headache be the curtains
 Be the cellphone ringing 
Be the neighbors blaring hifi 
GG Allin singing 

Be my watch that's 3 pm 
Be my morning shower 
Be the moth prepared to fly 
The liquid moonlight flower Animals that come to dance 
See the disco light in trance 
The night is young for a child of the moon
 Moth girl rising from her cocoon

about

This album is for you who feel malaise. It is for the rag dolls, for the moth girls, for the things in the void and the runaway lovers who all desperately try to make sense in a matrix designed to keep them locked in a 2D flat projected world of constant consumption and ever-expanding bureaucracy.

Most songs are somehow connected to love or perhaps what is left when love has been prohibited by law, replaced by another assortment or emotions on the supermarket shelf or banned by the super-ego.

It is the search for love, the end of love, the ache of love, the absence of love and the love that will last forever.

credits

released August 26, 2021

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Lilou & John Sweden

Eclectic heterodox shadowband creating music for introspective dissent in Drone City.

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